Here, There and Back Again

I wasn't sure if I would ever return to blogging. I have no desire to fill this entry with a detailed story about the past 7-8 months of my life, but I do feel a need to briefly note the reasons for my absence. Like most of the things I write here, I suspect this is more for myself than anyone or anything else.

Although I don't really discuss it here, the past two years of my life, my two years in graduate school, have been laden with difficulties, unpredictable changes, and disappointments. In many ways, my goals- personal, career, vocational- have not gone as I anticipated. I've been frustrated. I've been angry. I've been broken. And I'm still here, learning more with each new day, each new breath. You would be absolutely amazed how much you can learn to live without, how freeing it can be to just let go. Letting go of those demands, that rigid need to control every aspect of your life, to hold your life to an absolute timeline, won't kill you. I had to learn that. I've let go, but I haven't forgotten.  I never will forget, and I still strive.

Anyway, I promised that I would keep this short. Amidst many many other challenges, one that I encountered late last year was an employer objecting to the content of this blog. Perhaps they did not appreciate my bitter sarcasm/ satire, perhaps a few of my personal accounts were a bit too personal, perhaps they were just looking for another reason to let me go (it was an exceedingly more complicated and difficult situation than this post reflects as I have no desire to add other details here). Regardless, having my words closely scrutinized and judged by multiple strangers who have control over my educational/ vocational goals was certainly never my intent when I was writing this. I never imagined it would be an issue.

So my voice went silent. Well, it went silent in terms of public writing. I've written around 100 pages over the past year or so in an effort to understand, an effort to cope with all the chaos, all the disappointment, all the jaw-dropping Murphy's Law experiences that have come to characterize my life recently. But, no matter what happens, whether I thrive in my field or kill my career and flip burgers, I will not stop writing. I have no desire to hide. I'm not that man anymore. So I'm back. There is a role for prudence, and I will certainly monitor my online presence far more closely than I have in the past. But ultimately, I cannot and will never please everyone, and if I want to write something, I refuse to be silenced.

I've renamed this blog. I feel like it now more accurately reflects me and my experiences.