"Daddy works for Jesus
Sister leads the band
Bobby's out of rehab
And Lizzy's going in
Mother's medicated
Nothing's what it seems
Suddenly she finds out the American dream"
Sure, one could look at things like rising income inequality or an ever increasing militaristic and brutal police force and come to depressing conclusions, but anyone who would be upset by such paltry issues is clearly missing the bigger picture.
After all, when we throw around phrases like "land of opportunity" or "American dream," what do we really mean? Well, I can't speak for everyone (as much as I may try), but to me it means that someone, given the right set of innate characteristics, skills, and circumstances, can achieve levels of power, wealth, and fame not otherwise imaginable. And I rejoice with you all today, readers, because a few recent events clearly illustrate that, if all the right circumstances are met, you too, can rise to a level of unfathomable power, fame, and fortune.
You'll have to forgive me for always using sports-related metaphors and stories, but in this instance I think the story of Ray Rice is appropriate. For those of you who don't know, Rice is a star running back for the NFL's Baltimore Ravens who recently was involved in a significant domestic disturbance with his girlfriend. For the offense of publicly assaulting a woman, Rice was penalized with a 2 game suspension. Once again, for those who don't follow the NFL, a 2 game suspension is the same penalty the league gave Brandon Merriwether for hitting another man too hard...during a game. Nothing like a good old slap on the wrist...
So what is my point here exactly? My point is that too often, our perception of the American dream is terribly short-sighted. Sure, fame and fortune are great, but what greater freedom, what greater power is there than the ability to act as one pleases without having to fear any consequences? Even more so, what is better than the freedom to violate and assault women at will without having to face any legal or personal repercussions? After all, those women folk are so confusing, looking really pretty one moment and wanting to have rights and think for themselves the next. Its unacceptable. If only more men would be willing to suit up, to grab their fedoras and mommy issues, and put women in their place again.
So I know what you're thinking now. Sure, maybe an NFL athlete can treat a woman like an object and get away with it, but that doesn't really apply to the average person. So much for your American dream.
But don't give up yet, misogynists. You don't have to be in the NFL to be able to assault women without fear of consequences. Just look at Florida State University star quarterback Jameis Winston, who was recently accused of sexual assault. Not only did the victim's cries fail to elicit any real police investigation, they also failed to deter voters from giving Winston the Heisman trophy.
Good thing everyone in life gets exactly what they deserve...
And in case playing college football may be unrealistic given your athletic skill set, surely you can at least play football in high school, right? I feel like almost any guy willing to put in enough hours in the gym and on the practice field could play high school football. Well, here's the good news. Even if you don't make it into the NFL, even if you can't play in college, playing high school football alone may be enough to give you the freedom to brutalize women.
Don't believe me? Allow me to direct your attention to the Steubenville, Ohio rape case. Multiple high school football players were found to have sexually assaulted and dragged a drunk unconscious girl around at a party. After considerable public whining and social media activism, two of the players involved were eventually found guilty of rape. While these boys were not as fortunate as Winston, one of them, Malik Richmond, served 9 months in a juvenile detention facility and is currently back to playing high school football with his old team. When asked about this, his coach, Reno Saccoccia, ardently defended his decision, "I feel like we're not giving him a second chance...I feel like he's earned a second chance."
Are you not celebrating yet? Take a moment to realize the ramifications of these recent events. A young man violates a drunk girl at a party, serves a brief stint in a juvenile detention facility, and is back in time to return to his old life of high school football, partying, and being a general delinquent. Apparently 9 months spent not raping anyone is all it takes to earn a second chance after previously raping someone. And of course, this is all made possible because Richmond, like Winston, Rice, Roethlisberger, etc., has a unique skill set and the ability to thrive in a game that our country worships.
Through their innate talents and hard work, these men expanded on the American dream in ways we could never have even anticipated. They've earned more than money and power, fame and respect, but also the right to toss around, to use and to abuse women like the objects they apparently are. So if you've been fortunate enough to realize this dream as well, feel free to dish out a few illegal hits, as long as they aren't on the football field. Don't worry about your temporary "lapse in judgment," as long as it doesn't involve your ability to read a defense. And hey, we all know *wink wink* that women have a tendency to fall down flights of stairs. Just don't fumble that football, the real "object" of value.
What a time to be alive. "And suddenly she finds out...the American dream."
