Before that little tirade actually sinks in and you stop reading, allow me to get to my story...
Without a doubt, any NFL fan remembers former QB Micheal Vick, who was all but crucified by PETA for running a dogfighting ring. As a result of his horrific maltreatment of animals, he all but ruined his NFL career and was sentenced to serve 23 months in prison.
"PETA thinks I'm black Hitler!"
The story that many NFL fans have not heard, however, centers around Browns wideout Donte Stallworth. "What happened with Donte Stallworth?" you ask. "No one told me anything about him. Oh, don't tell me he hurt poor doggies too."
Micheal Vick doesn't love you.
Not to fear, random fan or PETA. Donte Stallworth is not Micheal Vick. Nah, all Stallworth did was run some poor guy over during a drunken joyride. Sure, the guy died, but he wasn't famous or furry, so who gives a crap, right?
Mario Reyes, you're not important enough to picture here...Let's see the cute dog again.
Well, this particular writer certainly does. And seeing how justice is supposed to be, oh I don't know, just, I naively assumed the criminal justice system would as well.
Imagine my chagrin and disillusionment when I learned of the punishment for accidentally killing a man: 30 days in prison.
"Wait, that's not years, or even months?!?!"
No, poor fool forced to live in this twisted time, its not.
"And he really did kill a guy when driving drunk?"
Yep, yep, he most definitely did.
To make matters worse, news sources indicate that Stallworth received his lessened sentence in part because of a financial settlement that he reached with the victim's family. Call me old-fashioned all you like, but I also cling to the silly notion that a crime is a crime, no matter how thick the criminal's pockets are.
"I have money, so I can do whatever the hell I want. Better watch out for me!"
Now its true that Stallworth also got his license suspended for life and has to serve 8 years under probation, but considering the average sentence of 10 years for DUI manslaughter, I'm not exactly shedding any tears for the guy.
And all of this, of course, comes in the backdrop of Micheal Vick's harsh sentence all but mandated by PETA militants and the harsh criticisms of Plaxico Burress' illegal gun ownership by NYC mayor Bloomberg. So are we giving athletes preferential treatment or not, America? Or do we simply not care about DUI manslaughters? I find that hard to believe, given the nation's outraged response to the tragic death of Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart at the hand of a drunk driver earlier this year.
While the stories of OJ, Ray Lewis, Leonard Little and countless others reaffirm the reality that justice is never blind and usually slanted in favor of those with money and fame, I think we have another problem here, a problem of misplaced priorities as a society.
Meet PETA, a shining example of just how misplaced our priorities actually are (I think we just flat out lost our priorities at this point). After the Micheal Vick incident, PETA ruthlessly hunted and hounded this man in a manner they would have deemed cruel had Vick been an animal.
"You're not Bob Barker. Only he has earned the right to tell us who to neuter!"
Before I continue, I would like to clarify that I DO NOT condone dogfighting. While man is given dominion over this world and its animals, needless cruelty is needless cruelty, and I will not defend the actions of Micheal Vick. However, any organization that tells me I don't have the right to eat a hamburger or wear a wool shirt clearly has lost their perspective. I mean, in a chaotic world filled with human starvation, war, murder, and injustice, and you rant about "Kentucky Fried Cruelty" and expect to be taken seriously?
In their most ridiculous move yet, PETA criticized President Obama for swatting a pesky fly during an interview. Not only that, but they are actually sending the president a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Cather, a sinister device designed to preserve the lives of all those pesky, disease-carrying, picnic-ruining insects. But hey, I'm sure if you're really sweet to that poor little mosquito, he won't give you West Nile. Oh silly silly PETA, how America and I laugh at you.
"I'm slowly plotting your demise."
Or at least we would be laughing if not for the 2 million Americans who actually agree with you. Just read a few of the comments on their website, and tell me you're not seriously frightened about the future of our country.
"How come you get put in jail for murdering a human, but murder an animal and it's fine?"
I imagine Michael Vick wishes he killed a man; the sentence would have been lighter.
"Animal Rights must be part of the school curriculum and be incorporated in the coursework of law students in all universities globally!"
But will the animals have to take the stand? We need a cow interpreter in Courtroom 2!
"Animal rights should be protected and enshrined in the Constitution in every country in the world."
Why don't we make sure all nations respect basic human rights in their constitutions first? Just a thought.
"animals deserve to have rights more than humans do, because they are never going to have bad intentions, just like humans do"
So you're saying that animals are actually better than we are because they never are violent? Oh, wait...
"Everything living, has a soul. Respect the Life and rights of all creatures. Cohabitate with life. The planet and its genus."
Are you advocating bestiality?
In response to PETA's unexplainable success, I advocate the formation of PETP, People for the Ethical Treatment of People. Maybe we can actually accomplish some good. Also, I want to form another group with the initials PETA, People Eating Tasty Animals. I know its an old joke, but imagine how pissed the animal rights activists would be when they try to search for the website of their organization and instead come across a picture of some fat guy eating a bacon cheeseburger.
"I'm going to single-handedly bring down PETA, not because I want to eat all this food, but because I feel called to use my humble fork to end the madness."
In the meanwhile, make it your goal to combat the insanity. Eat a hamburger today, and only buy certified wool or leather clothing.
