In these times...

Be honest, how many times in the past few months have you heard an expression that either began or ended with the phrase "in these times" in reference to the economy? I'm guessing about 787 times, once for each billion of taxpayer dollars that President Obama is throwing at the "worst economic disaster since the Great Depression." How many times have you heard that one?

But seriously, the only thing more absurd than Obama's stimulus package ($288.3 billion of taxpayer dollars going into tax provisions; isn't that reasoning a little circular?) are the people who are most fervently trumping the downfall of America's economy: the media. Yes, poor Brian Williams over at NBC, struggling to feed his family, only able to take five vacations this year. Didn't you know? In this economy, his ten million annually only goes for about ten thousand.

But the absurdity doesn't stop with the mainstream media. Now sports media is getting involved. Just listen to the clip from UConn coach Jim Calhoun's press conference. Know that its okay to laugh; just don't be too loud. You wouldn't want your neighbors, who are no doubt starving by candlelight, to hear and think you are being insensitive in these current times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xokthY5zuPU

One could choose from many different colorful or special words to describe Calhoun's demeanor
when asked about his $1.6 million salary, but was this question not ridiculous? After all, no one asks Brian Williams to hand over some of his $10+ million. Does he get a pass for pretending to be the common man, moaning about our economic troubles like a corner street meth-addicted hobo?

And let's not forget we have the Oscars tonight, where movies few people actually liked (I could write an entire selection on how The Dark Knight should win best picture over a gay politician and Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Indian Edition, but any poll would prove my point just as easily) are awarded in a festival of Hollywood glamor, gluttony and extravagance. If the media is going to harass a college basketball coach who works harder and faces just as much scrutiny as any actor, shouldn't we also have a problem with the entertainment industry as a whole? Maybe its just me, but I have a bigger problem with Will Smith making $80 million for pretending to fly and fight zombies (separate movies, although how cool would it have been to combine the two?) then I do a college basketball coach earning a couple million here and there performing a job that actually requires hard work and responsibility. So if the media is going to be pointing any fingers during this economic apocalypse, perhaps they should start by pointing at themselves and the entertainment industry in general.

Or maybe we should all just suck it up, accept the fact that there's a recession, and move on. Really, people, if we can still afford $10 movies, $5 coffees, and $1,000 concert tickets, I think we'll survive.

A Moment of Reflection: Unwrapping the stale box of chocolates that is Valentine's Day

So here it is at last, Valentine's day. A day of love...or so they want us to think. The reality is that the only sound louder than the moans of those poor single fools in therapy today are the expletives being issued from millions of guy's mouths who forgot what today was and are now destined to spend their next Valentine's alone as a result (It's not too late, a Yahoo search for "last minute valentine gifts" only brought up about 24 million results). So where did all this chaos originate?

According to history.com, Valentine's day was another example of a pagan holiday (with some very interesting and not-so-loving practices) that the church tried to Christianize, naming February 14th St. Valentine's Day. We all realize, of course, how much a day designed to honor a martyred saint who illegally married young couples in ancient Rome has to do with the commercial farce of today (180 million roses, 36 million boxes of chocolate sold, and how much brought in annually? Almost 14 billion? I'm sorry; how much?) The answer of course is that they have practically nothing to do with each other. If anything, Saint Valentine would probably be a little upset to see his day (like Christmas and Easter) not only tainted, but completely saturated in the poison of consumerism.

But getting to my main point, do we even need a Valentine's Day? Last time I checked, the only two saints' days non-Catholics observe are Valentine's and Patrick's. And no offense to St. Patrick, because he was pretty awesome, but the only reason non-Catholics even celebrate his day is so they have an excuse to dress in green and get tanked like Irishmen. So as petty as it is, there would appear to be a benefit to celebrating St. Patrick's Day. But what about Valentine's Day? Valentine's Day now is nothing more than a way for couples to buy their way out of the guilt that comes from neglecting each other the other 364 days of the year. Of course, Hallmark, Russel Stover's, and countless jewelry stores are all the more happy to oblige, for a premium fee.

Don't believe me? Just listen to JC Penney, that reminds us guys to not "be left in the doghouse" this Valentine's Day. The ad proceeds to display a $114.99 piece of jewelry that will apparently save us from previously mentioned fate. What if I only had a hundred dollars to spend, JC Penney? What then? This whole situation reminds me of that old Christmas story where the husband sells his watch to buy his wife combs and she sells her hair to buy him a watch chain. Besides being incredibly ironic in a cruel way, how else would this story have ended had JC Penney got her hands on it? I'm thinking murder, or at least a bitter divorce that forever scars their many children and drives them to become serial killers (so still murder, just second generation).

So here's my Valentine's Day thought. How about couples actually learn to appreciate each other year round, thus voiding the need for a day that just makes single people or people who have lost their significant others feel like crap. Is that such a radical idea?

And while we're at it, how about we add South Korea's singles day, Black Day, to our calender of celebrated events. I figure that the pasta business, like flowers and chocolate, could use a little help. After all, it is one of the few businesses in America that is not being thrown millions of tax dollars by our new president. Where's the stimulus package for my spaghetti?

There are a two good things to Valentine's Day, though:
1. Discount chocolate in the following days.
2. I'm definitely saving up and buying a florist's shop. $120 flowers? I thought extortion was illegal.

For more Valentine's fun, check out Cracked's take on the day.

Post-Super Bowl XLIII

Well, people, I hope you realize how good we have it. Two great Super bowls in a row, and this one was followed by one of the best episodes of the Office ever. The only downside was the complete and utter collapse of the Cardinals defense on the last drive in the fourth quarter, but at least the game was close and entertaining. And although the collection overall wasn't impressive, we had a few good commercials too. In case you missed it, here's a few of the best:

A Teleflora ad designed to guilt every guy into buying only the absolute best floral arrangements (Is it that accursed Valentine's Day already?).

One of the best Super bowl commercials ever...But do I really want Doritos or just a blunt object to throw at my boss?

A few Bud Light gems:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnfCQbZEXEo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQvqkadg9JI

And of course, that one particularly arrogant commercial that promises its product, no matter how completely irrelevant or essentially useless, will solve all your problems.

So all in all, it was a pretty good Super bowl, even if the rousing underdog with the comeback veteran quarterback fell a little short of pulling the upset.