4 Reasons why the happiest corporation on earth can suck it

"Ok, Chris, you've gone too far this time. In the past, you've made reasonable criticisms of things like Valentine's Day and PETA, but Walt Disney? How could you possibly criticize the man whose work and legacy created countless lovable cartoons and songs...AND THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS AND AWESOME THEME PARK?!?!? What, were you deprived Mickey Mouse as a child? Did you not spend enough time "under the sea?" Or have you finally become so bitter that you've simply starting hating goodness itself?"

Whoa Whoa, take it easy. I know criticizing Disney and the inevitable joy his work has brought to children (well, *SPOILER ALERT* white children anyway) may sound crazy, but in reality, the work of Disney has left a dark legacy on American society. Here's how...

4. Horrific Cultural Insensitivity

While I wouldn't call Disney a blatant racist monster, he wouldn't exactly be winning any awards from Dr. King for his work either. For years the rumor has persisted that Walt Disney was antisemitic; although this may not be the case, Disney's persistence in joining groups that were antisemitic has stained his legacy.

"Ok, so he made some bad choices. But no one really knows what his convictions were, and if thats the worst of it I think we can give old Walt a pass, right?"

I agree wholeheartedly; unfortunately, some of Disney's other work is so incredibly offensive we can't give him the benefit of the doubt anymore.

Dumbo Crows- Keep in mind their leader is named "Jim Crow." Haha, I get it. Its funny because black people couldn't vote! Greeaaat.

Also, I'm pretty sure that "red men" stands somewhere in between "savages" and "mindless savages who will scalp you, burn down your village and rape all of your women" on the list of disgustingly offensive Native American stereotypes. Either way, not cool, Disney!

Without a doubt, however, the premiere gem of Disney's family friendly racism can be found in a few early comic strips. I would say "enjoy," but that would really only be appropriate if you're a Neo-NAZI.



"More racist fun can be found here! Yay!"

On the bright side, Walt Disney was cremated, not frozen according to rumor, thus saving future generations an awkward conservation about various human equality movements.


"Yeeaah, Mr. Disney, this is awkward but..."

3. The Disney Corporation loves children, err...some of them.

Now I know I don't usually get political or take controversial stances on anything (you know, except for like every other entry), but here I go anyway.

Both the pro-life and pro-abortion movements acknowledge the Disney Corporation's support of Planned Parenthood.

None of this makes much sense to me. Sure, some people or corporations might be biased or blind enough to ignore all the clear evidence pointing toward the sanctity of human life (I'm still wondering how a living baby with a different set of DNA than its mother can be called "a part of the woman" but alas for another blog entry), but Disney shouldn't have that ax to grind. After all, aren't children ultimately the biggest supporter of Disney?


"Child+manipulative advertising+weak parents+adorable cartoons=$$$!"- actual Disney marketing session


No clever attempts to make a moral argument here...the picture speaks for itself.

2. The Mickey Mouse Club

For those of you who don't know, the Mickey Mouse Club was a sort of variety show for kids that aired in the 1950's, 1970's and 1990's(they really didn't want this show to die apparently). In the show, kids were exposed to moral lessons, cartoons, comedy and so on.

This initially sounds like a cool idea, right? Maybe its not a great fit for kids, but its a good attempt by Disney to steer kids in the right direction during their most impressionable years.

You know what, I'm going to give Disney the benefit of the doubt on this one. Okay guys, this is an awesome idea. In fact, lets take a look at some past members of the Mickey Mouse Club, those noble teenage role models who are directing our children in the proper way to live.


"Not ideal (if by not ideal you mean human train wreck). Nevermind, let's continue."


"No, No, Nooo! Anyone but this douchebag!"

1. Disney encourages eating disorders

Bear with me, this one didn't make sense to me at first either. That is, it didn't make sense to me until I had a rather amusing conversation with a friend concerning the attractiveness of a Disney cartoon princess. This friend was adamant that the Princess Rapunzel from the recent Disney movie Tangled was "gorgeous."


"I love strong-willed princesses whose hair is longer than my entire body!"

Although I was amused at my friend's candor, he had a great point. The vast majority of cartoons, in particular Disney cartoons, present unrealistic ideals of women. I don't really have research to back this up (look at how freakin long this entry is, I'm already on cruise control) but I can't imagine this constant barrage of perfection not having a detrimental effect on the minds and self-esteem of young girls. Disney's insistence to idealize everything to absurd levels, especially concerning appearance and romance, isn't helping anyone, especially the young viewers.

And actually, I did find research. So yeah, once and for all, suck it Disney.

I'm back to tell an old tale...but in a new way

I know, I know, its been about a year since my last entry. What can I say? I'm not proud of it, but I've been busy. Since my last entry, I have transferred from my community college back home to a small liberal arts college in western Pennsylvania. Since then I've met some new people, had a few adventures and hopefully learned something. Anyway, this blog has never been about me (well, actually its entirely about me since I use it to constantly spout my opinions). Never mind then, I'm just done talking about myself and want to get to my point.

Obviously, even my most ardent five fans must have grown sick of me lambasting Valentine's Day every year. In the past, it is possible that I have depicted Valentine's Day in an unflattering light. Rumors have even escalated that I described the day as a means for neglectful couples to buy themselves out of trouble each year, with retailers more than happy to whore out happy feelings and "love" for the right price. I wouldn't know; I don't actually read what I write.

So in light of my past alleged statements concerning Valentine's Day, it would undoubtedly be inappropriate for me to take this opportunity to once again criticize the pointless, consumerist fest that is February 14th.

"Thank you Chris, I'm glad you're going to come up with an original idea to blog about this time. I mean, your last entry on Valentine's Day was great; it inspired me to lock myself in my room for months with my favorite video game/ ice cream flavor/ vague depressing music/ whatever else kids are into nowadays. Nevertheless, I'm glad you have something new with which to enlighten us."


"That's not going to be nearly enough..."

I'm sorry; I was so close to changing topics, but the retailers make it so easy.
If you must, don't think of this as one of my usual rants against Valentine's Day; rather, think of it as my attempt to tear down all of your hopes and dreams concerning Valentine's Day and the commercialism of romance in general.


"Thats so much better."

And today the false hope I seek to tear down revolves around every girl's dream, the diamond ring. It is the symbol, the ultimate representation of the man's love and commitment to the relationship for as long as they both shall live.

Now, I would never suggest that such a priceless symbol of love and devotion resulted from very powerful and manipulative advertising from a corporate powerhouse, but yeah, that's actually exactly what happened. When diamond sales declined in the US during World War 1, DeBeers, a diamond powerhouse that once controlled 80% of the market, singlehandedly sought to revive the practice of manipulating the common man to purchase shiny rocks.

The goal of this advertising campaign, which was to "inculcate in [men's minds] the idea that diamonds were a gift of love: the larger and finer the diamond, the greater the expression of love," was carried out in a variety of nefarious ways. In order to subconsciously suggest the importance of diamonds in romance, diamond rings were consistently portrayed in the media, in particular through movies. These early attacks on the American subconscious were largely successful, resulting in even bolder advertising attacks following World War 2. The goal of this new campaign, centered around the slogan "a diamond is forever," was to "strengthen the tradition of the diamond engagement ring --to make it a psychological necessity."

That's right, the diamond industry is not satisfied with you considering the purchase of one of their products; it has to a necessity, on the same level as food, sleep, and water. Hmmmm....

Throw in all of the recent stories about "blood diamonds" and the diamond industry's complete apathy to countless human rights violations in foreign countries, and you have a story that all of a sudden doesn't feel so good anymore.


"That's all right; enjoy your symbol of 'love.' You never see me so I clearly don't matter."

Now, I'm not telling my male readers to completely forgo tradition and snub their future spouses. Obviously, one has to be realistic, and I would hate to be responsible for all of those failed relationships. I just point this out so that once again, the world can see the pointless consumerism associated with the diamond industry and a certain pseudo-holiday that may or may not take place on February 14th. I refuse to pretend that February 14th represents a good thing, because I foolishly hold love and relationships to a higher standard. A standard where couples actually appreciate each other year round, and don't need a day to salvage their burning train-wrecks of relationships while simultaneously making everyone else feel less important.

Bet you would never have expected me to make an idealist statement like that, huh?

For more fun and cynicism, check out the following Valentine's Day fun...

http://www.cracked.com/article_19039_the-6-most-cynical-exploitations-romantic-love-in-history.html

http://www.theonion.com/video/annual-valentines-day-stoning-of-happy-couple-held,19117/