Some recent events have led to believe that my advice may once again be needed. Regardless of whether or not it will be appreciated in its own time (or any time for that matter), I once again feel a need to provide it.
As I have most likely noted at some point, I am now a graduate student. And I am fortunate enough to now attend a truly diverse and rich campus, a campus that has risen above and largely evolved beyond the petty intolerance, bigotry, discrimination and hatred that would be seen in less "enlightened" places.
Although my university may not yet have achieved such a perfect status, I can respect the dedicated professors and other members of the campus community who are committed to silencing dissident voices and making the university a better safer place. And by doing so, they also ensure that the intolerance and hatred of inferior generations of mankind will not plague the sacred halls of this modern educational institution. After all, how can conflict or discord exist in a world where everyone is properly "motivated" to accept the same ideologies? But alas, I'm speaking in general and overly philosophical terms. Allow me to clarify with an example.
Recently, to my amazement, the university allowed a group of students who opposed abortion the opportunity to protest on campus. Naturally, as inevitably happens when individuals are allowed to think for themselves and keep their own consciences, this event resulted in significant conflict and disagreement among the student body and professors. Honestly, I simply can't fathom it. I am sure the university had the best intentions, but letting that protest occur on campus was both foolish and irresponsible. As if creating debates and discord was not bad enough, those monstrosities posed a significant safety risk to the entire campus. Am I the only one who observed the red eyes, the grey scales, the darkened wings? After all, nothing that was ever human could hold such abhorrent views.
In response to this protest, 6 professors wrote a letter to the school newspaper, challenging the wicked hate of the students and comparing anti-abortion protesters to the racists who supported the lynching of African-Americans.
To clarify, I completely support the efforts of these professors, but I am now certain that more needs to be done. To their credit, the professors not only sought to destroy the anti-abortion message but also to label and belittle any students who held it. They did, however, acknowledge that the students had a right to protest
This is unfortunate. I can sympathize with those who are still naive enough to believe that freedom of thought and conscience still have a place in our society, but unfortunately, they are relics of an older, less tolerant time. Humanity has shown again and again that differences only create conflict and instability. Not that I or anyone else can really blame us. After all, there's a litany of complex internal forces that severely limits each individual's ability to perceive and interpret reality. Not to mention our different upbringings, experiences and personalities. People are innately drawn to disagreement. And because we cherish our values, people also are intrinsically motivated to defeat any evil that would dare to rise up to confront them. After all, every man is a hero in his own mind, leaving only the role of villain to anyone who would dare to disagree with him.
So what is the solution? Well, I can determine at least one thing. Allowing individuals the privilege of disagreement has not worked for humanity, nor will it ever be successful. "Agreeing to disagree" will always be at best a fool's hope. In light of this, I can only conceive of one option. Brace yourselves and consider my words carefully, dear reader, and I suspect you will find my recommendation to be quite humble. I recommend that we end this madness, this flurry and fury of conflict, through the greatest conflict humanity has ever seen. Society will establish one absolute set of beliefs, and enforcers shall destroy anything or anyone that opposes them.
I only have one concern, dear reader. It is now obvious that the only way to achieve peace is through the strategic use of warfare to destroy anyone who is "wrong." But how can we ever determine what is right or wrong? This is not to say that I don't believe in absolute truths, but rather, I question the ability of any individual or even group of people to determine all the perfect answers. Darn, and we were so close to world peace...
I think I have it. Let's end disagreement through democracy. How ironic is that? I recommend that individuals be allowed to align themselves according to faith, political views, race, etc. for one final time. We shall arm the masses and allow only the "fittest" ideologies the opportunity to survive. Now I know what you're thinking, dear reader. There will almost certainly be inequalities in terms of manpower and resources depending on the group. But we can correct this. We will strip people of their guns (they will not be needing them soon anyway) and provide them with swords, knives, shields and the like. Guns not only provide unfair advantages; they also make conflict far too easy. No, in this perfect world, men will look each other in the eyes as they slit each other's throats, all the while realizing that such is the sacrifice for creating a perfect, dissent-free world. And since we clearly cannot live together peaceably, what other choices do we really have?
This post is becoming needlessly lengthy, so I'll conclude by addressing any potential concerns. Some optimists may consider my theories to be absurd; they may admit that extremists exist, but in their minds the majority of good, reasonable people will also stand to counter them. Perhaps you are right, but I have no doubts that the voices of well-tempered people seeking harmony can be easily silenced or perverted. The process is already happening, my friends. People may be capable of giving flowers, at times we may even desire it, but we have become far more skilled at throwing feces. And just when our supplies of waste begin to run out, when reason and compromise begin to be considered, politicians rush to our aid and spew enough hyperbolic shit to last us for decades.
Come to think of it, that is the key. If I can gain the politicians, my humble recommendation will surely become the newest bill in a long line of foolhardy, fear-driven legislation. After all, whether its abortion, gay marriage, immigration, foreign or economic policy, no force is more powerful in convincing the people to hate and fear the other side than those well-suited wolves. Yes, I shall gain their votes. And since they are never cheap, I should begin fundraising immediately.
I know there may still be doubters. Some of you may even be regretfully wondering how our circumstances could have become so dire. I suppose we all have our theories, but now we can only afford to think of solutions. And anyone who approaches my recommendation with an open mind (ha) will have to conclude that, despite its grim nature, it is the only real solution. After all, if we don't murder all dissenters, then we guarantee a bitter, conflicted world for the remainder of our history. Even a brutal war drawn out for decades will represent only a tiny drop in the bucket of tremendous conflict that humanity will inevitably experience if we continue to nurture freedoms of conscience and speech. Its not like individuals will suddenly begin to articulate their ideas in a respectful manner. And even if they could, their neighbors would surely be too driven by fear and anger to actually consider what is said. Finally, since disagreement is an inevitable force that cannot be completely mitigated even in light of rational discourse, people would also magically have to learn to coexist in peace and respect with those whom they disagreed. And if that does not seal my argument for the eradication of most of the species, then nothing ever will.
Author's Note: First, I realize this is quite long. I would like to extend my personal thanks to anyone who actually took the time to read it. Second, do not be afraid to ask me questions. Obviously, this post is intended to create honest dialogue and questioning. Third, Jonathan Swift.
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