Breaking Down the 2011 MLB Season- Part 2 AL Central

Today I continue my discussion of the upcoming MLB season by predicting the AL Central. So who is going to emerge on top in the AL Central? Will the much maligned Indians or Royals finally stand a chance (short answer: no)? Finally, does this division matter, or is its winner destined to be once again beaten by an AL East team in the first round of playoffs? Read on...

AL Central

The addition of Adam Dunn should finally be enough to help the White Sox pass the Twins for AL Central dominance.


1. Chicago White Sox

OFFENSE- B+

Without a doubt this is the White Sox's strongest point. Konerko should be able to fend off old age for one more year, and Rios, Quentin and new super slugger Adam Dunn will crush the ball. Juan Pierre and Alexei Ramirez are prime contributors too. Look for this offense to make or break their chances at winning the division.

STARTING PITCHING- C

Their rotation is average with good depth. Buehrle is a poor excuse for an ace at the front end, but starters Edwin Jackson, John Danks and Gavin Floyd will post average numbers and keep the offense in most games. If Peavy can return to form, this rotation gets a huge boost.

BULLPEN- B+

Matt Thornton has posted good numbers throughout his career and shouldn't have a problem filling in for the shaky Bobby Jenks. Other relievers like Chris Sale and new addition Jesse Crain have good numbers as well.

2. Minnesota Twins

OFFENSE- B-

Morneau, Mauer, Kubel and Cuddyer prove the Twins have some talented bats in their lineup, but most of the other guys are average role players. Look for Span to serve as an effective table setter for the offense and keep an eye on Japanese import Niskioka, but apart from them this unit should perform sufficiently, not exceptionally.

STARTING PITCHING- B

Liriano, after many years of being delayed by injuries, seems to finally be establishing himself as a top-of-the-rotation starter. If Pavano and youngster Brian Duensing can keep up last year's success, this should be a pretty good rotation.

BULLPEN- C

Ultimately, the fate of the Twin's bullpen comes down to the health of their closer, Joe Nathan. If he's right, their bullpen should be great. If backup Matt Capps is forced to close for an extended portion of the season, the bullpen becomes average.

3. Detroit Tigers

OFFENSE- B-

If Miguel Cabrera can stay out of trouble and get focused, his bat and the efforts of fellow hitters Victor Martinez, Austin Jackson, and Magglio Ordonez should result in a respectable offensive attack. Not great, but respectable.

STARTING PITCHING- B+

Justin Verlander can match up against any other starter in the game. Max Scherzer and Rick Porcello are talented, and a team could choose far worse starters to round out a rotation with than Brad Penny and Phil Coke. The starting rotation should be solid in Detroit this year.

BULLPEN- B-

Jose Valverede usually finds a way to get the job done at closer. A key figure to watch in this bullpen is Joaquin Benoit, who was offered a huge multiyear from the Tigers to serve as the setup man. If he can be successful in that role, the bullpen will fare well.

4. Cleveland Indians

OFFENSE- D+

Shin Soo Choo can provide some offense, but its unrealistic to expect elite years from Travis Hafner or Grady Sizemore anymore. If youngsters like Matt LaPorta or Carlos Santana could take big steps forward this year, the unit could become acceptable.

STARTING PITCHING- D

I hold out hope that Carmona will return to ace form. The rest of the rotation, however (with guys like Justin Materson and Mitch Talbot) would cause fans of the Indians to shake their heads in frustration...that is, if they knew who any of these guys are. Still, some young guys (like Carlos Carrasco) might inspire hope for later seasons. I suppose stranger things have happened.

BULLPEN- C-

If closer Chris Perez can build off of last year's success, then he and setup man Rafael Perez should form an effective duo.

5. Kansas City Royals

OFFENSE- D-

The Royals best hitter is Billy Butler, a good average guy who lacks the elite first basemen type power this team desperately needs. Guys like Mike Aviles and Jeff Francouer might hit a little, but barring incredible development by a ton of young guys (I'm looking at you, Alex Gordon) their offense will be poor.

STARTING PITCHING- D-

When Bruce Chen was one of your best starters last year, you know you're in trouble. Couple that with the loss of ace Zach Greinke, and you have a pretty hopeless starting rotation. The only reason they don't get an "F" is because of the addition of Jeff Francis. If he can return to past form, and thats a huge "if", they might find an ace.

BULLPEN- B

There is one strength in KC; it lies in ace closer Joakim Soria, who somehow managed 43 saves on this team last year. With adequate setup man Robinson Tejada, the bullpen should be the only thing that isn't a problem for the Royals in 2011.

Breaking Down the 2011 MLB Season- Part 1 AL East

Its that time of year again. Spring is here, which means the arrival of baseball. Just in time too, as there is literally nothing else in sports to watch in March. Like nothing at all; it is terrible. I mean, you'd think there would at least be some college athletics or something, but no, televised sports are essentially non-existent in March. So you can imagine my jubilation over the arrival of spring training baseball, culminating in the beginning of the regular season March 31st. In order to save everyone the time and anguish of wondering whether or not their team has any chance this year, allow me to break down what every team will do this year.

Today I start my preview by breaking down the American League East.

AL EAST

The Yankees and Red Sox will once again battle for AL East supremacy


1. Boston Red Sox

OFFENSE- A+
The additions of Crawford and Gonzalez more than makes up for the losses of Victor Martinez and Adrian Beltre, and ensures that Boston will have one of the best offenses in baseball. A healthy Ellsbury, coupled with new addition Crawford, will create one of the most dynamic stolen base duos in the game, and Gonzalez, Youkilis, Pedroia, and Ortiz will provide a ton of pop.

STARTING PITCHING- B+
Jon Lester has established himself as a legitimate ace, and Bucholtz is solid. After that, it comes down to whether or not veterans Beckett, Lackey and Matusaka will be able to rebound from off years.

BULLPEN- A
The addition of Jenks to an already solid bullpen of Papelbon and Bard ensures this will remain a strength in Boston.

2. NY Yankees (Wild Card)

OFFENSE- A
The Yankees are always an elite offensive team, and Rodriguez, Texiera, Cano, and Swisher will continue to mash. Rebounds from Jeter, new addition Russel Martin and Granderson could make a good offense great.

STARTING PITCHING- C+
Without a doubt, the Yankees biggest weakness and the one obvious factor that could keep them out of the playoffs. Sabathia is as good as they come, Hughes is solid and everyone else is a prayer. If some combination of Nova, Garcia, Colon, Burnett, etc. can be effective, or if they can grab a starter at the deadline they should be okay, but right now the rotation is a big uncertainty.

BULLPEN- A+
Rivera is the best closer of all time, and adding 40+ save former closer Soriano as a setup man with lefty specialist Feliciano ensures that this bullpen will be an elite unit.

3. Tampa Bay Rays

OFFENSE- C
Losing Pena and Crawford was a huge blow to the Rays; although veteran additions Manny and Damon will certainly add some talent and charisma to this group, their offense took a major step back from last year.

STARTING PITCHING- C+
Price is an ace and Shields is solid. After that their rotation is mostly average with some upside. Jeremy Hellickson could be the exception to that rule, and is definitely a player to watch.

BULLPEN- D
They have some talent here, but the fact that they're one of the few teams in baseball without a set closer tells you all you need to know.

4. Baltimore Orioles

OFFENSE- B
The additions of sluggers Vladimir Guerrero, Mark Reynolds, Derek Lee,and JJ Hardy will result in a vastly improved offense in Baltimore. Combine them with standouts Matt Wieters and Nick Markakis and there is definitely reason to have hope here.

STARTING PITCHING- D+
Guys like Guthrie and Matusz come highly touted but haven't a chance to prove themselves. The rest of the rotation is young, with only Duchscherer providing any real veteran experience. Its a wait and see with this group, but a good performance by the starting rotation could clinch them 3rd in the division.

BULLPEN- C
Kevin Gregg is far from elite, but usually gets the job done at closer. Mike Gonzalez has good potential as a setup man.

5. Toronto Blue Jays

OFFENSE- C
This group has some talent (Bautista, Rajai Davis, Adam Lind, Yunel Escobar) but looks mostly average. Underperformer or not, the loss of Vernon Wells to the Angels will hurt them.

STARTING PITCHING- C-
Romero and Morrow have potential, but after that its mostly young unproven guys in the rotation. Barring drastic improvements by a lot of young players, this rotation won't impress anyone.

BULLPEN- C
Both Frank Franscisco and Octavio Dotel can close, but no team would want to have to resort to making either a closer. Combined with Jon Rauch, this unit should fare fine but is far from elite.

Michael Scott: The Client

For a project in my Psychological Assessment class, I had to choose a person (real or fictional) and write up a psychological evaluation as if this person was my client. That's right, one of my homework assignments over the past few days has been watching The Office, researching The Office, and taking notes on...you guessed it, The Office. I wonder why all the engineer and physics guys on my hall tell me I have an easy major? Anyway, I was proud of the end result, and thought I'd share it with my blog audience on the hopes that you might enjoy it (and yes, each quote and event is taken from actual episodes, it is possible that I have a problem).




Michael is a male in his mid-40’s. The client is in a relationship with a coworker. Client has worked at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company for over ten years, first as a salesman and currently as regional manager at a branch in Scranton, Pennsylvania. He is dressed neatly in a suit and tie. Hair is short, dark, and neatly combed.

Client has a frequent history of erratic and sometimes inappropriate behavior, for which he is attending this session. In particular, he has shown difficulty maintaining control of his office. The client reluctantly recounted an instance in which he had to choose an employee to fire; before finally making a decision, he attempted to pass the undesirable responsibility onto another employee. In a similar instance, he described his attempt to pass the responsibility of choosing a new healthcare plan (one that would involve cuts and thus be an unpopular decision with his employees) onto a fellow employee. Nevertheless, his recent behavior has shown some improvement, as evidenced by his successful handling of an insubordinate employee. His speech is energetic and enthusiastic, but not forced.

The client’s language is frank and often of questionable taste. Although it is always meant in a humorous context, he has struggled in the past to maintain professionalism in the workplace, often making racist, sexist, or homophobic jokes. In this one session, client used the expression, “That’s what she said” on seven different occasions. Client’s mood is usually upbeat, although he can quickly turn negative and defensive if he is challenged. Client’s affect is appropriate for mood and thought content. Thought progression appears normal, although client is quick to change topics or make a joke if presented with an opportunity.

His thought content is driven by a need to be both liked and the center of attention. The client described this need, “When you have somebody’s attention and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, that is a great feeling.” When asked about his personal philosophy as a boss, client responded, “Would I rather be feared or loved? Um…easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” The client also detailed a difficult past that appears to still influence his thoughts and behavior. He detailed his need to “do better” at an employee’s wedding because of an embarrassing incident involving himself as the ring bearer when his mother married his stepfather. The client also brought in a video of himself as a child appearing on a television program. In the video, when a younger (possibly six, seven, eight) version of the client was asked about what he wanted to be when he grew up, the client responded, “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.” Although the client has definitely made some progress, like currently being in a positive relationship, feelings of insecurity, an overbearing need to be liked and a need to be the center of attention still impact the client’s thoughts.

Although there is no evidence of hallucinations, his perception of reality is still often skewed. During the session, the client described an incident where he accidently hit another employee with his car, fracturing her pelvis. He seemed unwilling or unable to accept responsibility for what he had done, at what point saying, “Oh, I am taking responsibility. And it is up to me, to get rid of the curse that hit [name of employee] with my car. I am not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” In addition to not being able to always accurately perceive the world around him, the client also often fails to understand and perceive himself. He purchased for himself a mug that says “World’s Best Boss” but maintains, despite evidence to the contrary, that it reflects the way his employees view him.

The client appears conscious and awake, even vibrant, and is oriented to time, place, person and situation. The client is sometimes able to maintain proper attention and concentration when he desires, but he can often be distracted as well. He described pretzel day at the office, where his desire to get a free pretzel kept him from getting any work done. Client’s memory is intact. He is able to recall both past events (like his mother marrying his stepfather) and recent events.

Client’s ability to think abstractly, organize, and plan is questionable. When he felt like he was being treated unfairly by his company, he temporarily quit his job at Dunder Mifflin to begin his own paper business. The client was unable to secure funding for his business, even from his family, and despite his talented efforts as a salesman, the business was unsustainable. However, he did show potential as a problem solver, skillfully negotiating a buyout of his failing business with Dunder Mifflin.

Motivation is not a strong point for the client, as the client himself noted while holding an office mug, “I don’t wanna work. I just want to bang on this mug all day.” The client’s general fund of knowledge is limited, although he does have considerable skill and knowledge as a salesman. He probably has a low-average to average IQ, with a limited vocabulary (during the session, he confused the word “wedding” with “welding”).

Client’s insight can be poor, as demonstrated when he was asked during a session if he has an incessant need to be liked, “Do I need to liked? Absolutely not. I like being liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.” Although the client usually appears to have good intentions, his judgment can be poor. He recounted an instance where an ex-girlfriend broke up with him because he photo shopped a picture of himself over her ex-husband in a picture of her family for a Christmas card. The client has shown some slight improvement in this area, however, as evidenced by his successful attempts to maintain office morale (there were rumors of the company collapsing) by playing a game. Good or poor, the client displays very creative decision making skills.

He can also be quite impulsive, often to his detriment. He described his proposal to an ex-girlfriend after only nine dates, which resulted in rejection and the eventual ending of the relationship (after the photo shop incident). As for his reliability, it is evident that the client strives to be honest and frank; however, it is clear that he is often out of touch with reality. The client’s inability to accept reality may result from denial or a simple inability to fully understand the world around him. Either way, it is important to take what he says with a grain of salt, and more sessions are definitely needed to help the client learn to embrace the truth (especially when it is unpleasant), to deal with difficult self-worth issues, and learn proper social behavior.

4 Reasons why the happiest corporation on earth can suck it

"Ok, Chris, you've gone too far this time. In the past, you've made reasonable criticisms of things like Valentine's Day and PETA, but Walt Disney? How could you possibly criticize the man whose work and legacy created countless lovable cartoons and songs...AND THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS AND AWESOME THEME PARK?!?!? What, were you deprived Mickey Mouse as a child? Did you not spend enough time "under the sea?" Or have you finally become so bitter that you've simply starting hating goodness itself?"

Whoa Whoa, take it easy. I know criticizing Disney and the inevitable joy his work has brought to children (well, *SPOILER ALERT* white children anyway) may sound crazy, but in reality, the work of Disney has left a dark legacy on American society. Here's how...

4. Horrific Cultural Insensitivity

While I wouldn't call Disney a blatant racist monster, he wouldn't exactly be winning any awards from Dr. King for his work either. For years the rumor has persisted that Walt Disney was antisemitic; although this may not be the case, Disney's persistence in joining groups that were antisemitic has stained his legacy.

"Ok, so he made some bad choices. But no one really knows what his convictions were, and if thats the worst of it I think we can give old Walt a pass, right?"

I agree wholeheartedly; unfortunately, some of Disney's other work is so incredibly offensive we can't give him the benefit of the doubt anymore.

Dumbo Crows- Keep in mind their leader is named "Jim Crow." Haha, I get it. Its funny because black people couldn't vote! Greeaaat.

Also, I'm pretty sure that "red men" stands somewhere in between "savages" and "mindless savages who will scalp you, burn down your village and rape all of your women" on the list of disgustingly offensive Native American stereotypes. Either way, not cool, Disney!

Without a doubt, however, the premiere gem of Disney's family friendly racism can be found in a few early comic strips. I would say "enjoy," but that would really only be appropriate if you're a Neo-NAZI.



"More racist fun can be found here! Yay!"

On the bright side, Walt Disney was cremated, not frozen according to rumor, thus saving future generations an awkward conservation about various human equality movements.


"Yeeaah, Mr. Disney, this is awkward but..."

3. The Disney Corporation loves children, err...some of them.

Now I know I don't usually get political or take controversial stances on anything (you know, except for like every other entry), but here I go anyway.

Both the pro-life and pro-abortion movements acknowledge the Disney Corporation's support of Planned Parenthood.

None of this makes much sense to me. Sure, some people or corporations might be biased or blind enough to ignore all the clear evidence pointing toward the sanctity of human life (I'm still wondering how a living baby with a different set of DNA than its mother can be called "a part of the woman" but alas for another blog entry), but Disney shouldn't have that ax to grind. After all, aren't children ultimately the biggest supporter of Disney?


"Child+manipulative advertising+weak parents+adorable cartoons=$$$!"- actual Disney marketing session


No clever attempts to make a moral argument here...the picture speaks for itself.

2. The Mickey Mouse Club

For those of you who don't know, the Mickey Mouse Club was a sort of variety show for kids that aired in the 1950's, 1970's and 1990's(they really didn't want this show to die apparently). In the show, kids were exposed to moral lessons, cartoons, comedy and so on.

This initially sounds like a cool idea, right? Maybe its not a great fit for kids, but its a good attempt by Disney to steer kids in the right direction during their most impressionable years.

You know what, I'm going to give Disney the benefit of the doubt on this one. Okay guys, this is an awesome idea. In fact, lets take a look at some past members of the Mickey Mouse Club, those noble teenage role models who are directing our children in the proper way to live.


"Not ideal (if by not ideal you mean human train wreck). Nevermind, let's continue."


"No, No, Nooo! Anyone but this douchebag!"

1. Disney encourages eating disorders

Bear with me, this one didn't make sense to me at first either. That is, it didn't make sense to me until I had a rather amusing conversation with a friend concerning the attractiveness of a Disney cartoon princess. This friend was adamant that the Princess Rapunzel from the recent Disney movie Tangled was "gorgeous."


"I love strong-willed princesses whose hair is longer than my entire body!"

Although I was amused at my friend's candor, he had a great point. The vast majority of cartoons, in particular Disney cartoons, present unrealistic ideals of women. I don't really have research to back this up (look at how freakin long this entry is, I'm already on cruise control) but I can't imagine this constant barrage of perfection not having a detrimental effect on the minds and self-esteem of young girls. Disney's insistence to idealize everything to absurd levels, especially concerning appearance and romance, isn't helping anyone, especially the young viewers.

And actually, I did find research. So yeah, once and for all, suck it Disney.

I'm back to tell an old tale...but in a new way

I know, I know, its been about a year since my last entry. What can I say? I'm not proud of it, but I've been busy. Since my last entry, I have transferred from my community college back home to a small liberal arts college in western Pennsylvania. Since then I've met some new people, had a few adventures and hopefully learned something. Anyway, this blog has never been about me (well, actually its entirely about me since I use it to constantly spout my opinions). Never mind then, I'm just done talking about myself and want to get to my point.

Obviously, even my most ardent five fans must have grown sick of me lambasting Valentine's Day every year. In the past, it is possible that I have depicted Valentine's Day in an unflattering light. Rumors have even escalated that I described the day as a means for neglectful couples to buy themselves out of trouble each year, with retailers more than happy to whore out happy feelings and "love" for the right price. I wouldn't know; I don't actually read what I write.

So in light of my past alleged statements concerning Valentine's Day, it would undoubtedly be inappropriate for me to take this opportunity to once again criticize the pointless, consumerist fest that is February 14th.

"Thank you Chris, I'm glad you're going to come up with an original idea to blog about this time. I mean, your last entry on Valentine's Day was great; it inspired me to lock myself in my room for months with my favorite video game/ ice cream flavor/ vague depressing music/ whatever else kids are into nowadays. Nevertheless, I'm glad you have something new with which to enlighten us."


"That's not going to be nearly enough..."

I'm sorry; I was so close to changing topics, but the retailers make it so easy.
If you must, don't think of this as one of my usual rants against Valentine's Day; rather, think of it as my attempt to tear down all of your hopes and dreams concerning Valentine's Day and the commercialism of romance in general.


"Thats so much better."

And today the false hope I seek to tear down revolves around every girl's dream, the diamond ring. It is the symbol, the ultimate representation of the man's love and commitment to the relationship for as long as they both shall live.

Now, I would never suggest that such a priceless symbol of love and devotion resulted from very powerful and manipulative advertising from a corporate powerhouse, but yeah, that's actually exactly what happened. When diamond sales declined in the US during World War 1, DeBeers, a diamond powerhouse that once controlled 80% of the market, singlehandedly sought to revive the practice of manipulating the common man to purchase shiny rocks.

The goal of this advertising campaign, which was to "inculcate in [men's minds] the idea that diamonds were a gift of love: the larger and finer the diamond, the greater the expression of love," was carried out in a variety of nefarious ways. In order to subconsciously suggest the importance of diamonds in romance, diamond rings were consistently portrayed in the media, in particular through movies. These early attacks on the American subconscious were largely successful, resulting in even bolder advertising attacks following World War 2. The goal of this new campaign, centered around the slogan "a diamond is forever," was to "strengthen the tradition of the diamond engagement ring --to make it a psychological necessity."

That's right, the diamond industry is not satisfied with you considering the purchase of one of their products; it has to a necessity, on the same level as food, sleep, and water. Hmmmm....

Throw in all of the recent stories about "blood diamonds" and the diamond industry's complete apathy to countless human rights violations in foreign countries, and you have a story that all of a sudden doesn't feel so good anymore.


"That's all right; enjoy your symbol of 'love.' You never see me so I clearly don't matter."

Now, I'm not telling my male readers to completely forgo tradition and snub their future spouses. Obviously, one has to be realistic, and I would hate to be responsible for all of those failed relationships. I just point this out so that once again, the world can see the pointless consumerism associated with the diamond industry and a certain pseudo-holiday that may or may not take place on February 14th. I refuse to pretend that February 14th represents a good thing, because I foolishly hold love and relationships to a higher standard. A standard where couples actually appreciate each other year round, and don't need a day to salvage their burning train-wrecks of relationships while simultaneously making everyone else feel less important.

Bet you would never have expected me to make an idealist statement like that, huh?

For more fun and cynicism, check out the following Valentine's Day fun...

http://www.cracked.com/article_19039_the-6-most-cynical-exploitations-romantic-love-in-history.html

http://www.theonion.com/video/annual-valentines-day-stoning-of-happy-couple-held,19117/

When the Unconventional Becomes Conventional: 4 Societal Norms that We Never Dare Question

Quite often, we observe people participating in bizarre, almost ritualistic, behaviors. There's the guy who plans to lose 60 pounds by driving to the gym and eating from the "diet" portion of the fast food menu. There's environmentalist groups that are ok with pollution, as long as you purchase carbon credits. Then there are those people who actually watch reality television (I don't judge anyone).

The rest of society observes these odd behaviors from a safe distance, grateful that common logic would protect them from ever making such faulty conclusions. What happens, however, when a misplaced idea is allowed to fester, and eventually acclimate, into societal culture? Listed below are four cultural concepts, all very "right" in our minds, that have little basis in reality.

4. Black History Month

Maybe its just because I don't like February (what am I supposed to watch, hockey?), but isn't segregation generally considered to be a bad thing? Of course its important that African-Americans remember their unique history, culture, and struggles, as well as the countless influential black men and women that played a role in our nation's history. That being said, is this the best means to accomplish these noble goals? Morgan Freeman, who definitely knows more about African-American history and culture than a white college student, doesn't think so.

If we really want to limit all African-American history and accomplishment to one month, can we at least be decent enough to not give them the shortest and coldest month of the year?

3. Feminism

Now I know I'm opening a powder keg with this one. Personally, I once thought feminists existed simply to condemn women who choose to be housewives and keep their unborn children.

However, a recent English course taught me that the skills of the feminist extend far beyond that.

Don't get me wrong. I support the rights of women to vote and hold a career. But modern feminism isn't about promoting those noble goals. No, modern feminism exists solely to chastise and emasculate every male on the planet.

Don't believe me? I wouldn't expect you to just accept what any blabbering fool posts on the internet. Allow me to make my point.

In Gail Godwin's "A Sorrowful Woman," the reader is presented with a rather depressing scenario. The main character, a housewife, suffers from a severe mental illness. She is incapable of performing any tasks, and is too terrified to even interact with her small son for extended periods of time. Her husband, understanding of her difficulty, does everything in his power to help his wife. He provides for the family, performs all housework, and takes care of his son and wife. Overwhelmed, the man hires a nurse to assist with his son...until his wife fires the nurse. None of this angers the man in any way, and he struggles on.

The story ends with the wife trapped in a crazed frenzy, performing ridiculous amounts of housework before opting to end her own life.

To the average, sane reader, this story seems relatively straightforward, right? Very sad, but straightforward.

Well, thanks to deconstructionism (my gosh, I wouldn't know where to start), any story has unlimited different meanings and interpretations. This opened the door wide for my class, which actually suggested that the husband was in some way manipulating and controlling his wife by not seeking proper medical attention for her. Of course, who's to say what "proper" medical attention even was in the story, seeing as how the author presents us with no setting whatsoever. Maybe I'm irrational, but if a character shows no major flaws in a story, I assume that's because the author wanted us to believe that he was a nice guy.

Of course the story opens with the line: "Once upon a time there was a wife and mother too many times." Yes, yes, that's clearly this woman's problem. Not a chemical or emotional imbalance. "No, you just need to get rid of that man who's taking care of you and get yourself a job, honey!"

2. Tipping

Unlike my other ideas, which are at least controversial, no one would argue against tipping in restaurants.

To clarify, I'm not arguing against supporting the kind single-mother waitress struggling to support her two kids. I'm not even arguing against tipping the jerk waiter who never gets your order right. But I do think there are some serious questions to be raised concerning this most odd of rituals...

Like you, I never questioned tipping. That is, until I learned that most restaurants pay their wait staff less than minimum wage, on the assumption that the customer's tips will be adequate for them.

Wait just a minute. The restaurants opt to completely screw over and mistreat their employees, and I'm supposed to pick up the tab? What is the logic behind that? I mean, I don't tip the exploited workers in foreign countries who make basically everything that I, as an American, use. I probably should, but I don't. And no ever talks about that.

Finally, and not to be rude, but if we're really going to reward people, aren't there more worthy professions? Like I don't know, just off the top of my head: firemen, policemen, military personal. But we don't. Do you know why? Because THEIR EMPLOYERS ACTUALLY PAY THEM A DECENT WAGE!!!

Let's not kid ourselves. If we really cared about these people and not about following a blind tradition, we would learn how to cook again and stop visiting establishments that exploit their workforce.

1. Valentine's Day

At last, we arrive to the very epicenter of the insanity. While there was no love lost in my description of Valentine's Day last year, allow me to reiterate some of my key points.

Valentine's Day, once a Catholic holiday designed to honor a saint, has now become nothing more than a commercialized corporate lie designed to convince single people that there is something wrong with them. "Oh, your wife died 3 months ago? Probably because you didn't love her enough. Go spend $100 on thorny weeds and throw your hat back into the dating ring."

Yes, I exaggerate, but the sad thing is, not by much. Valentine's Day brings in almost 14 billion annually Yes. 14 billion.

Forgive me, because I know little of relationships, but when did love become solely about the accumulation of possessions? My gosh, if couples stopped neglecting each other the other 364 days of the year, maybe we wouldn't even need a Valentine's Day.

"Is this the message that you want to send your kids, random couple reading this? That love is measured by price tags and worthless trinkets?"

Now I'm all for gift-giving, but something about a day that makes single people feel like crap and causes the wealthiest nation on earth to waste 14 billion dollars offends me.

Also, I'm still pushing for the implementation of the South Korean singles day, Black Day, in the US. I've had little luck thus far...maybe if I had 14 billion dollars?

"We Must All Hang Together, or Most Assuredly We Will All Hang Seperately."

Once again, I must offer my apologies for my complete lack of posts over the last few months. Ever since I actually started doing productive things with my time, aka working and taking classes again, I have found that I am hard pressed to waste as much time as I once did. Its been challenging to find the time to add to my blog.

Almost a week ago, President Obama once again interrupted our lives with a prime time speech, this time to back his new health care plan and admonish anyone who dares question him. During his speech, the typical signs of American partisanship were present, with the majority of Congress standing and clapping after every sentence while a few protesting GOP remained seated and fiddled with their Blackberrys. This is pretty normal; and let's be honest, it makes it far easier for us to pretend we actually recognize the different politicians and their political ideologies.




"No, no, This doesn't sit well with me at all."



"I clearly hang on to the President's every word, and only hope I some day have the privilege of sacrificing my firstborn on the alter of Obama."


What is not normal or accepted is shouting down the leader of the free world during his address to Congress. Apparently South Carolina Representative Joe Wilson never got this memo. In response to President Obama's comment that his new health care plan would not assist illegal immigrants, Wilson shouted out "You Lie!" Apparently Wilson also never got the memo declaring Obama divine, and thus, incapable of deception.

If you haven't caught on that I'm being sarcastic, well then, I'm sorry, but no one can help you.

Anyway, one can picture my internal conflict over Rep. Wilson's outburst. I don't think winning an election or taking an oath guarantees the all-encompassing wisdom, thick pockets, or even trustworthiness that the American populace attributes to Obama without question. However, at the same time, I believe the office of president deserves a certain level of respect, and if the tables were turned I would be outraged by Wilson's blatant disrespect.

I think its fitting that this incident occurred around the 8th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. It just goes to show that no matter how "enlightened" we
dare think of ourselves as Americans, we've really learned nothing.

I mean, does it really take a national tragedy for us to get along? We're so splintered as a society. There's hundreds of issues and a party to promise what you want to hear concerning each one. These problems and divisions aren't new. But right after 9/11, none of them seemed to matter.

One of the most powerful images of this unity was President Bush throwing out the first pitch in the 2001 World Series at Yankee Stadium.



This may seem like an odd choice, but it was the ultimate representation of American strength and unity. It told the world, amidst the thousands of cheers, that our way of life: our freedom, our unity, and yes, our game, would continue no matter what.

By no means should this unity be achieved through the sacrifice of personal opinions and beliefs; I simply ask that we at least assume the other side of the political aisle also has the best interests of their country at heart. This may not always be the case, but really, Rep. Wilson, change can be achieved in more civil ways than shouting matches. Just look at the President.

And to the President, GOP attacks aren't just fear-mongering. Perhaps we really do feel that a public option represents too much government control over our lives. Does that make us worse Americans? Keep that in mind the next time you try to dismiss us.

Wow, this whole civility thing is more difficult than I thought. Oh well, I guess if children can do it the rest of us will figure it out eventually. Rep. Wilson, go to your corner and stay there until you can learn to play nicely with the liberals.