For instance, while pretty much everyone understands that homelessness and poverty are not exclusively third-world problems, I think most Americans understate the extent of the problem in their own country. A recent report by the US Department of Housing and Urban Development (known by us "insiders" simply as HUD) found that over 600,000 Americans are homeless on a given night. As if that wasn't bad enough, reports indicate that up to 30% of this homeless population may suffer from a mental illness.
So what can be done for these people? What is the best solution for them and society as a whole? When facing social issues as dire as this, it is many people's first instinct to turn to the government for help. This is an understandable but ultimately foolish response. Throughout my college experience, several colleagues have educated me about the dangers of government. And between foreign invasions that have resulted in innocent deaths, the Big Brother state of our security measures (Why does the government need to search my bags or have me walk between a metal detector just to enter high profile public places; seriously?), and its ever-increasing taxation/ legislation suffocating our economy, it is clear that the one true aim of the government is to oppress its citizens.
The truly unfortunate aspect of this conversation is that, while many people would condemn these mistakes of our government and be willing to trim down the government waste and abuses, very few Americans would support the abolition of federal social programs. But redistribution of wealth is not the answer for either the have's or the have-not's. All programs like SSI, Public Assistance, Food Stamps, etc. accomplish is violate one person's rights (the taxpayer) to enslave another (the receiver of aid). This sounds cruel, but think about it. Taxation is essentially an individual committing a portion of their income to the government in order to secure a needed government service. Its a capitalist transaction, ie. purchasing the protection of the police or the favor of the fire department, designed to result in direct dividends for the individual payer. Although I suppose you could argue that soothing the violent lusts of the rabble on our streets may benefit the wealthy, I doubt most of our taxpayers would consider such a service worthy of its high cost.
And let us not forget about the homeless. The greatest gift that can be given to them is an opportunity to be truly free, not dependent on government handouts but liberated to pursue any low wage job of their choice or convenience. To those who would claim there simply are not enough jobs or that the jobs don't pay well enough, I offer a brief three part rebuttal. One, no man in allowed to have more than he can earn in a free marketplace, except for those who inherit their wealth. Two, government interference is responsible for all of our economic difficulties, so there would certainly be enough jobs if the government completely stopped regulating the economic sector. After all, the $8/ hr. job could easily become two $4/ hr. jobs. Its common sense. Finally, in such a diverse and free market, homeless individuals are empowered to come up with creative new means of making a living. For instance, I understand that prostitution and panhandling are quite effective means of securing income. If only the government would get out of these people's lives, I'm sure the homeless would be quite resourceful and able to survive.
However, there is one problem yet to be addressed. While everyone should work, what does society do with the homeless who are unable to work? After all, I've witnessed first hand the afflictions of the lesser classes; from the schizophrenics to the mentally challenged to the substance abusers, there is a respectable portion of the homeless population that cannot independently support itself. And while its easy to hold the substance abusers accountable for their actions, what are we to make to the mentally ill/ challenged? Through no choice or fault of their own, these people cannot work or support themselves. Yet the government's attempts to help would only further oppress them and the wealthy. So what options do we have if any?
Ideally, the families of the disabled and private sector charities would be able to meet the needs of the severely disabled. However, considering the inability of both the private and public sectors combined to combat poverty and homelessness, it may be a bit naive to assume that the striving of a few good Samaritans will remove all the poor from our streets. So what are other options? We could simply ignore those who are homeless and unable to work, but this presents a whole new set of problems. Besides the urging of many moralists that it is inappropriate to leave the severely disabled to fend for themselves, there is also the issue of crime. It should go without saying that desperate and mentally ill individuals are more likely to commit criminal acts. Unfortunately, the prison system is publicly run, meaning the room and board expenses of each homeless deviant are funded by robbing the taxpayer.
It is at this point that the advocates of our current homeless programs will appear and start crowing, confident that they have found a humane and affordable means to assist the poor and disabled. They'll mention programs like Housing First, a low-demand program designed to find affordable housing options for the homeless. Supporters of the program will note that, by emphasizing stable housing, the program reduces the taxpayer burden (by reducing the need of emergency shelter and prisons, which are far more costly) while improving the quality of life for the homeless. I'm sure their bleeding hearts are in the right place, but their solutions simply replace government intervention with a different form of government intervention. Many of these programs receive federal funding, and even if they didn't many of the homeless individuals receive their monthly rent money in the form of federal aid programs (ie. Public Assistance, SSI, etc.). There's even a government aid program designed to help these people pay their utility bills. As if all the redistribution of wealth wasn't bad enough, our government has now socialized heat and made not freezing to death a basic human right.
So its clear that the government cannot be involved in our solution to the problem of homelessness, as it is always the problem. It is at this point that I would like to provide a suggestion for how society can handle the homeless who are unable to work. I modestly propose that we reestablish the institution of slavery as a means to assist those who are disabled and homeless.
It is my sincerest hope that my noble goal will not be misconstrued. I am not suggesting a return to the dehumanization of a particular race. After all, many minorities make significant contributions to the economy, and many whites have been found to be disabled and unable to produce anything of economic value. My perception of slavery does not seek to discriminate. Rather, by allowing the disabled and poor to be owned and controlled by far more competent individuals, it ensures that everyone's basic needs will be met while freeing us from the oppression of government taxation. Even better, re-instituting slavery ensures that the wealthiest Americans will always have access to a cheap labor source. Although this has really always been the case, the additional influx of slaves into the system will really oil the cogs of the great anarchical capitalist machine.
Now, to briefly cover a few objections. I suppose many individuals who seek to limit government and maximize individual freedom and responsibility would consider slavery to be a violation of an individual's right to choose. Please don't let this bother you, my friends. Under my system, we will require each individual to sign a contract enumerating their willingness to commit to the slave lifestyle. Of course, given their varying levels of cognitive and mental impairment, this will serve as mostly a formality. We have to keep the lawyers and civil rights advocates satisfied after all. Others may object to slavery itself, noting that it is a cruel and barbaric institution. I would urge those who would protest slavery to consider the one alternative, having the disabled homeless continually experience fear, hunger, thirst, cold and abuse under the nearest bridge. When one takes this objective look at the problem, it is clear that the only way to truly assist the disabled homeless population is by enslaving them. I welcome anyone to find a better solution.
While it may be unconventional, I am confident that most people will find my proposal to be quite modest. Assuming my faith in the American people is not misplaced, we could begin to set in place legislation concerning the enslavement of the disabled poor by the next election. The era of the wealthy man's burden is at hand; all we have to do is reach out and embrace it. Think of the potential, my friends.
Author's note: The author would like to apologize to the writer who inspired this piece, as this attempt to emulate his work is no doubt a very dim reflection at best. Nevertheless, constructing this piece was quite an enjoyable and challenging endeavor.
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